Reflux is a fricking hard thing to deal with. We feel that we are being laughed at, being mocked, being ridiculed for the “over care” and “excess attention” we give our babies. We do not give them “over” anything. They get the support that they need. They get the love that they need. And they get absolutely everything from us, and it still doesn’t relieve their pain. So instead of being laughed at, we decided to have a laugh at the rest of the world.
We don’t blame the rest of the world, you are all going about your lives believing that “babies sleep” and “babies cry”, and that all babies will all eventually settle.
The thing is, sometime babies are crying because they are in pain.
Our motherly instinct tells us this immediately.
Our gut tells us there is something not right and that we have to tend to and support our babies.
And so we do.
We carry them. We bounce them. We hush them. We love them.
We do squats for 45 minutes at 1am.
We cry on their shoulders when they have finally drifted off.
We sit awake all night checking that they are still breathing.
We sit up in the wee hours holding them so they can sleep and rest.
We survive (no-one knows how) on as little as 2 hours of broken sleep per night. And when I say this, please don't scoff. If you don't believe me, then you cannot offer any support to those of use who suffer, because I tell you this is the truth.
And then we are pushed away by those we ask for help.
We are told we are imagining it. We feel paranoid, neurotic and like we are failing our babies.
We are not failing our babies. We are the most awesome mothers, refusing to listen to untruths and standing up for our most precious gifts.
Let me stop and lighten the conversation.
Last week, a member of my facebook group decided to lighten the conversation, to cheer us up, to allow us all to laugh at the things the unsuspecting public say and the ridiculous comments those we trust have said to us… All of these comments have truly been said.
And they happen daily…
Let’s have a giggle and share the rant. People do say the most daft/rude/unhelpful things sometimes. Funny how they think their advice is the complete solution to all your life’s woes Here’s some of my recent favourites:
“In my day we just called it a sicky baby and got on with it.”
“If you would just feed him a bit less...”
“If you would just be a bit stricter”
“He just needs to eat, he’s hungry”
Honestly, I’m torn between punching them and laughing in their faces! However, as a woman who recently cried in the park I’d love to hear what pearls of wisdom you’ve been given…
Dr: "He will grow out of it by 1"
Me: "He's 15 months old!"
I was told by a Dr that Gaviscon was my only option and I needed to wake my son overnight to re-administer it. When I questioned this he said, "Well you are up overnight already aren't you?”
"Some babies just cry a lot” (aka you just need to get on with it)
"Is he your first baby?”
"You’ll learn that some babies are just sick a lot”
“Maybe he’s unsettled because he’s picking up on your anxiety”
“He’ll grow out of it by 1, then 18 months, then 2...” he’s 3 next month! 😬
Member Reply: Maybe you’re anxious because he’s so so unsettled! Doh!
Member Reply: You’re sure to feel anxious when someone else thinks you’re anxious
Member Reply: I hate the “are you a first time mam?” question!
"Just sleep when baby sleeps" … erm he never sleeps!!
Member Reply:This 👆
"It's because you're too much of a caring parent, put him in a room and shut the door"
And "there's nothing wrong with him, it's in your head" 🙁 x
Member Reply: You can never care too much for your baby
Member Reply: exactly
Member Reply: That’s just the worst isn’t it? Not only do they completely undermine you but tell you you’re mad at the same time.
Member Reply: I worry for so many parents as this alone drives to PND
"He's just a greedy baby."
"He isn't choking, it just sounds like he is."
"His digestion will improve at 3 months."
"Restricting your diet will give him allergies."
"Now he’s asleep don't you think you should put upstairs on his own."
"Maybe you should give him some cooled boiled water."
"Surely his tongue is fine if he's able to feed."
"She will grow out of it at 3 months"..... erm still waiting!!!
"It’s just colic"
"She’s just an unhappy baby"
"Don’t worry if she chokes, Mum's have a sixth sense and will wake up before she chokes to death" - wtaf this came from a NHS paediatrician!
"You are overfeeding her"...... "you are underfeeding her".....
"We didn’t have this in my day, it’s just the latest fad"
"It’s normal for a baby to have explosive diarrhoea 10-15 times a day".... yep that came from the health visitor!!
Member Reply: OMG!!!
Member Reply: We had this regarding poos too!!! Explosive watery poo every half an hour. It was teething apparently 🤷🏼
Member Reply: No way! There ought to be a way you can report such failure
Member Reply: We had the "it’s normal for a baby to not poop for 4 days and for it to finally come out really hard and formed", the following night the milk started pouring back up and we ended up in the minor injuries unit at 1am with our 10-day old, the doctor was fab. At our first appointment with the dietician a few weeks ago (now 8 months) I brought this up at the discussion of removing her Neocate formula and was told "all babies are settled until 10 days old, she’s just a difficult baby". I left feeling like a shit useless mummy
I keep getting told it won’t do him any harm to scream for a bit... erm yes actually studies suggest that it does and besides, he isn’t crying to be difficult he is crying because it hurts!! 😡 No way am I going to just ignore him and not cuddle and comfort him.
Member Reply: I always told my doctors I wouldn't ignore a toddler screaming help, so why would I ignore a crying baby?
Member Reply: I'm so sassy 😂😂😂When the Ped made the above comment about lip and tongue ties I said "How many tongue tied babies have you breastfed because this is my 4th."
From the mother in law last night:
"Do you think it's time for a good strong bottle?"
About my exclusively breastfed boy who weighs 16lbs and is wearing 6 month clothes at 17 weeks...
Erm no, that's not going to make his naps better 🙄
The father in law yesterday:
"Oh I seen a wee baby today with a dummy"
Right... So? That baby will help my child's daytime naps how?! 🤦🏼♀️
This one courtesy of my ever-helpful Health Visitor:
"In 20 years of nursing, I don’t think I’ve ever met a baby as difficult as yours"
Trust me Love, go on line and there are 100's of babies like mine and some are far worse!
Member Reply: What an unhelpful thing to say!
Member Reply: Horrible wasn’t it. I was so upset at the time I didn’t say anything, but the next time I saw her I told her straight that my daughter is not being “difficult” she was in pain 😡 x
Member Reply: good for you. I’m glad
My health visitor said: ‘oh you must be so depressed’!
Member Reply: What an even more unhelpful thing to say!
Member Reply: indeed ! That was 14 years ago!! It’s never left me. I wouldn’t have minded so much, if she had then offered some support, but there was nothing!
She needs some proper food. Yeah. Coz Breast milk isn’t “proper” 😂😂
Member Reply: I get this one too!!!
"It’s the dummy"
"It’s behavioural" (from the paed ... she was 3 month)
"Just a bit of wind" 😂
"Hmmm she’s a rare case" (from paed GI)...
[Dear God!!! X]
Member Reply: Oh the wind excuse 😂 brilliant! Bet you wanted to say “thanks so much for your wisdom, I never would have thought of that!” to the person who said it 😂x
Member Reply: Behavioural 😲😲😲😲😲😲
Member Reply: Are they mad? Next they will tell you they are manipulating you!
Not from the medical community, but a wonderfully helpful checkout assistant in Aldi.
Baby decided that when I was paying was the perfect time to have a complete and utter mammoth meltdown.
The guy serving on the till next door shouts over to me, in front of everyone and says, “why don’t you take him over to the produce section where it’s cooler. He’s probably just hot!”
I laughed at him and just said “no, he has reflux, nothing will settle him now unfortunately” and the woman he was serving turned to me and flashed me a knowing smile that said, ‘I feel you sister!’
Member Reply: Hot! That’s a new one on me
Oh god why is it always me!!😂 just thought of another thing the NHS paediatrician said to me...
"She’s gained loads of weight and she’s 91st centile for weight and 97th for height, you need to restrict her feeds more”
Yep you read that right, my baby needs to go on a diet!
Please bear in mind that at this point baba was taking way less than the minimum 150mls per kg of weight per day! She was born 8.5lbs and was 3 weeks early. She’s a big baby 😂 x
Member Reply: The mind boggles
So you can imagine, that when those we trust say things like this... that we NEED groups of support to turn to.
Come join my group today if you've had similar feelings, if you want to add your story to those above... this thread is growing!
And if your baby is still suffering, perhaps now is a good time to ask the obvious question.... why?