I close my eyes, shake my head and feel so utterly and completely deflated. He doesn't believe me. He doesn't think there's anything wrong. He thinks I'm making it up and exaggerating. But he's not in our lives except for a few hours everyday.
We have a reflux baby. No one helps. No one understands. I've given up on the doctors and health visitors a long time ago. I hoped my husband would see, but it appears that as out baby grows older, he now thinks the same as them. he starts telling me "she'll grow out of it". And yes, I'm sure she will. But when? And how much suffering do we have to go through before then? It is all necessary?
There are few things that feel so deflating as when your own partner doesn't understand, won't understand, cannot understand what life is really like.
Sure, he's your kids Dad. Of course he loves them immensely. Of course he loves you too. But how many days has he spend in your shoes? I mean, completely and utterly in your shoes?
When you take a day off from the kids, if you take a day off from the kids. Do you just get up in the morning, do your own thing and leave the house? Or do you spend days or weeks thinking about it, planning it, preparing it so that it is the smoothest day ever for dad and the kids? Making sure it's an easy day for everyone else so that you can have another day off sooner rather than later?
And when you come home do you get the feeling that your partner now feels like you're talking complete bollox on every other day of the week because his one day experience was so easy and smooth? And did he see the preparation that went into the day? Did he understand the planning?
Life with a reflux baby is crazy hard. It can tear relationships apart. Especially if your baby does all their screaming during the day and is so exhausted by the evening that they sleep all night.
Or all the vomiting and food refusals and problems are during the day when your partner is at work.
Does your partner fully understand what its like to have a week in your shoes? Does your partner truly know the ongoing feelings you suffer? Does your partner understand that you already question everything you do with your baby, that everything you do is with the intention of minimising their pain and suffering, of being Mom?
Do you get the "he will grow out of it" and "reflux is normal" conversations from your closest family members?
I know what it feels like to have no-one in the world to truly believe you. To have your own siblings give you their experience and advice of dealing with babies who cry. They are lucky that they have never had a reflux baby. Their kids never screamed in pain for hours at a time. Their babies did not vomit everywhere so that going to a friends house was embarrassing and avoided. Their babies didn't scream and battle to take a bottle of milk so much that it sounded like you were force feeding them so you couldn't possibly feed them in public.
It feels like you get no help, from anyone.
Your new best friends are the Facebook group that a mum like you set up to help mums like her. For that alone, you are thankful. You have a safe place to vent, a place to be trusted that you're not crazy, a place to ask advice and get honest and helpful answers.
I've been there, I deal with that.
Know that you are not alone. There are so many more mums like you out there.
I know what it is like to be in your shoes.
How do you convince your partner that you need more help? Better help?
Talk to him, or her. Be open, be honest, be vulnerable. Show them how easy it is for you to just breakdown and cry. Sob.
Ask them why does your baby need to suffer in so much pain? Ask them would they not do anything to relieve suffering that is unnecessary?
And sometimes the drugs are not the answer. 61% of babies on medication still suffer with reflux and associated symptoms.
There is a better way, there is another answer. It is food. It is that simple. And yet it is not just simple.
If you would like to learn how your baby's digestive system works, why food is different for them than for you. If you would like to ease your baby's suffering regardless of medication or not. If you are ready to invest in the health and well-being of your baby and your own sanity, to equip yourself for the next 2 years until your baby's digestive system is at its next level of maturity, book a free call with me today.
This is what I do. I transform baby's experience of infancy and their parents experience in turn.
If you're ready to do something different, book a call to see if I can help.