Okay so I’m going to start from the very beginning. I gave birth on 24th of May 2018 at 6:46 am in Montreal Canada. After being in labour with my water broken since 9 am on 23rd of May. 22 hours of labour, with no epidural. No drugs. Not cause I’m champ I have back surgery and I can’t take an epidural - I’m allergic to laughing gas. I have scoliosis so my pain was at one point in my leg and that was harder than the pushing part in my opinion.
Not to bore you with my delivery story.
Bassel arrived to the world and straight to the NICU he had swallowed meconium - pooped in my uterus- it was nothing serious he was just breathing a bit faster than they liked per min.
4 days in the NICU and I was discharged, in St. Marry in Montreal if your discharged you get a single bed next to the NICU shared with other people. My husband and I shared the bed for 4 days, pain stitches and all.
We were finally discharged and I was expecting new born bliss where my son will sleep like a baby.
To my surprise Bassel just wouldn’t sleep. He wanted to be held constantly and was feeding every hour and a half.
He was crying hysterically. In my desperate attempt I googled and realised I was having a lot of diary so decided to go diary free. The crying was less in two days but he still didn’t sleep and wanted to be held constantly.
I hadn’t slept in a proper bed since before I gave birth I was exhausted. But everyone said this is normal he misses being inside me it will pass. Few days later and my son was still waking up as soon as I put him down crying and would fall asleep as soon as I carried him.
I couldn’t believe this was how newborns were but nurses insisted this is part of the journey and that I should carry him and try to put him on his back flat. As soon as I did that he would wake.
So a week in I realised I need to carry my son and sleep -terrified of sids- my husband -who was on paternity leave- and I would take turns. My mother was there so she also helped. We alternated. I was so tired I used to wake up when I did sleep alone searching for my son in bed hallucinating. But all of this was normal. I was told.
A month in, I was still carrying my son who would no way sleep flat in his bassinet - cocoona baby saved my sanity - so using it made it a bit better as in I could put him down for 30 min.
He was feeding continuously and I was told to suck it up that all mothers go through this and that babies are meant to sleep but my son seems to not need much of it. I was told I was coping badly.
Desperately I tried and held him during the day so he sleeps and held him at night and basically held him 20 hours of the day.
I knew something was wrong, he would hiccup a lot and would keep feeding and arching his back but he was gaining weight they checked him for a tongue tie. He didn’t have one. Be patient they said, it’ll pass they said.
3 months in I was sure he had silent reflux but no Dr would believe me cause my son was gaining weight. My Dr told me "of course he’s gonna cry he’s a baby, this is motherhood". And it’s my first baby.
I refused this, I googled and decided to hold him up after feeds or sit him up not change his diaper after feeds. "Be patient," they said, "your son is just a difficult sleeper". That’s what they said when I complained that he wakes every 90 min to feed.
6 months came and all hell went loose. We started solids, I was told to start with carrots.
He threw them up, sweet potato or potato - we didn’t sleep that night- he did well with certain veggies than suddenly projectile vomiting. He was losing weight and I was still holding my son to sleep.
Only when he started losing weight was when he was diagnosed with reflux and put on medication I was told to wait it out. It will pass as he grows. But he was scratching his ear for months now and know would tell me why. He has allergies he’ll outgrow them.
At 8 months I was going crazy he wouldn’t sleep, I spent a month carrying him at night with him waking every house and I was at my wits end. His eczema was bad and no one was helping me.
This is when I decided to fend for myself.
I started working with Aine at 9 months and she has been a dream, she saved me from myself. I think I was this close to depression.
My son was nagging and fussy all day I didn’t know what was wrong. A few days in with Aine and I had a different baby.
The month with her saved my sanity and cured his itch. His eczema and my eczema I discovered I was histamine intolerant and this was causing my son problems while nursing.
I discovered diary free means beef free and learnt how to look out for allergy signs and what I should and shouldn’t be eating.
She taught me patience with the process and she gave me hope as she had been through this. Aine saved us!